Darkcember Day 23

Darkcember Day 23: God Spread

This spread was made by Tim, the creator of the Darkcember challenge. I quite like it and would recommend it to others! I’ll be using it any time I want to check in with any of my Gods.

1: Current Energies – The Fool
This is the perfect card for this draw, as I was thinking of Loki while shuffling and laying down the cards. In my Viking Tarot, Loki is depicted on the Fool card, so I often associate Him with the Fool. Right now, He’s taking me down a new path to teach me to shed what is unnecessary from my life. We’ve done this a few times during the time I have been working with Him, and just as this dragon looks determined or focused, rather than distracted- My God knows where He’s leading me and I’m eagerly willing to follow.

2: How to deepen the connection – Ace of Coins
I must realize that there’s work to do if I want to get to the center of this maze. There’s a new doorway open to me, but it will take a lot of work to get to where I need to be. Offer all of my energy and devotion to Loki while we work together.

3: Future influence – Ten of Wands
I may start to feel overworked or stressed during this period of change. Don’t let myself try to do too much all at once to impress Loki. Go at my own pace, and don’t hesitate to ask for help or ask questions during this time of intensive work.

Deck used: Dragon Tarot

Darkcember Day 20

Darkcember Day 20: What won’t grow back in the Spring?

Card: King of Swords | Deck: Dragon Tarot

When I posted this one on Instagram and Tumblr, I mentioned that it was personal and gave a brief summary. Well, here I’ll go into a little more depth since this is my online version of my Tarot journal.

This draw is about a forceful energy that is in my life currently, and it has come up a lot since September to signify a situation that I’ve been in. My boyfriend and I live with his older sister and her husband. They live downstairs, we live upstairs, and generally we don’t bother each other except to share the kitchen or the laundry room. We’re all introverted hermits in this house so it’s nothing unusual for us to not even see each other for a couple of days at a time depending on what is going on. They let us live here for what we can afford to pay at the moment until we can get ourselves steady enough to either stay here and make actual set payments (like going half and half on bills, etc) or get our own place.

The husband, or my boyfriend’s brother in law, mentioned back in September that he didn’t think I do enough around the place to show that I am grateful to be living here. Back then, I really wasn’t, I’ll admit it. I got a job and then quit it after a manager cursed me out & threw her cell at me for telling her that I didn’t feel properly trained. I’ve been looking for a job since, but I’ve been helping out a lot around the house now that I’ve been made aware of the situation. We’ve all talked it out and are on decent grounds.

The problem is, I still get the vibe that the brother-in-law isn’t pleased with me. It hangs in the air like a moldy stench that won’t air out. He’s never really talked to me much to get to know me and I sometimes feel as if he’s automatically judged me. I’ve been told he likes me, but of course this is from others in the house and not him, so I take it with a grain of salt. I try to make small talk with him when I can but everyone has told me he’s a quiet, keep to himself kind of guy.

I don’t think I’ll ever be told to my face if he really is upset with me or not, but I’m glad that this says the energy will be gone come Spring. I really hope to have found a decent and steady job by then. And if I don’t, well, maybe something else will happen that will ease the negative feeling I’ve been getting from him.

Darkcember Day 19

Darkcember Day 19: What will grow back in the Spring?

Card: Ace of Coins | Deck: Dragon Tarot

New job opportunities, but maybe in more of a “better than the previous” sense.

Darkcember Day 18

Darkcember Day 18: Where am I subconsciously directing energy?

Card: Two of Swords | Deck: Dragon Tarot

On being indecisive about how to make a change that will hopefully balance my life for the better. I know what I need to do, I’m just not quite sure how to approach it.

Darkcember Day 17

Darkcember Day 17: What are my five stages of loss?

1 – Nine of Wands: Anxiety that causes me to run away from the situation.

2 – Page of Coins: Wanting to change things up/cause excitement to take my mind off of the loss.

3 – Page of Swords: Making myself so busy or doing so much that I wear myself out and have to rest.

4 – Nine of Swords: Isolating myself because I’m finally facing the situation in my mind.

5 – The Empress: Giving priority to my emotional state. Nurturing my emotions back to health.

Darkcember Day 16

Darkcember Day 16: How do I handle recurring hardship?

Card: The Devil | Deck: Dragon Tarot

I let my mind get the best of me and hold me back from doing much about the hardship in the first place. I don’t do hardships well and admittedly, it often takes a huge kick in the butt for me to let go of my mental chains and see a situation properly.

Darkcember Day 15

Darkcember Day 15: Am I still powerless? What do I need?

Cards: Queen of Cups & Water | Decks: Dragon Tarot & Madame Endora’s Fortune Cards

This is a follow up to yesterday’s draw, which touched on a bad breakup with a previous ex. This is my second time mixing these decks together in simple ways like this, and I’m loving the synchronicity between these cards.

I’m not really getting the feeling that I am still powerless against what happened in my past with him, however, I’m still rather sensitive about it. Years later, I still find myself reflecting upon what happened- In good ways and bad.

I like to remember what happened then so that I know the signs of it ever happening again, but I also have flashbacks of the fights we had before the final breakup. These are the times that my emotions are at their peak about the situation. I have PTSD from it all and when I have the flashbacks, I can go into panic attacks depending on what the flashback is about. Water reminds me that I have the power in these moments to change my emotions. When I get panicked, when I have flashbacks- I can stay grounded by reminding myself that it is in the past.

This goes well with the frog in the corner of the Queen of Cups. It was actually the first thing I noticed on this card, which I think is a good thing, because the frog symbolizes transition, transformation, cleansing, renewal, and metamorphosis. Frog being on the ground rather than in the water makes me go back to my previous thought of changing my emotions for the better, as I think the frog is reminding me to stay grounded in the present during those times.

I didn’t add this on Tumblr or Instagram, but re-reading through this to post here- Water may also be suggesting that I need to work on completely healing from the situation overall.

Darkcember Day 14

Darkcember Day 14: What was I powerless against?

Card: Strength | Deck: Dragon Tarot

My first thought was of my last ex, he was a Leo and so I always saw him as a lion. I know that the lion and dragon are not fighting here, but that is always my first instinct when I flip this card over and is what I’m going to go with now.

You see, I was powerless against the chaos that came between us at the end of our relationship. The balance that we once shared quickly came crashing down, and he was gone before I knew it to be with someone else. We were together for 4 years, I thought he was the right one… Turned out he was cheating on me but I didn’t get that 100% confirmed until after he was gone. I was powerless against that, because it was his decision to make.

At the time, I didn’t understand that though. Who does understand something like that so quickly? I hated him and hated what he did to me. The last fight caused me to succumb to my depression and I ended up in the hospital begging someone to help me or put me in the psychological ward. I didn’t know what to do. I had no hope, no light, no life. He had completely broken me down before the final break up and I felt as if I couldn’t go on.

I’ve since gotten help with a team of doctors and a therapist, and over time, I’ve come to terms with what happened between us, but this was the time I truly thought I had lost my strength.

Darkcember Day 13

Darkcember Day 13: Why am I neglecting to heal it? How can I heal it?

Cards: The Fool & The Hourglass | Decks: Dragon Tarot & Madame Endora’s Fortune Cards

This is a follow up to yesterday’s question, “What am I neglecting to heal?” where I got my defensive attitude towards a current situation I’m in. So for the draw, I re-worded the questions slightly.

Why am I neglecting to heal my defensive attitude? The Fool
I’m at the edge, but I’m afraid to make the final jump. I’m afraid of what chance may bring me with a new beginning, and I’ve been playing off the real situation in order to avoid it. It’s okay to make this jump as it is something that I must do. The Fool says I haven’t quite been ready for that commitment just yet, even if I’ve been pressured into making a commitment.

How can I heal my defensive attitude? The Hourglass
Realize that time is precious, and that my personal hourglass is slowly running out. Hurry and take the leap before it is too late to take the journey.

Darkcember Day 12

Darkcember Day 12: What am I neglecting to heal?

Card: Seven of Wands | Deck: Dragon Tarot

I am neglecting to heal my defensive attitude towards a competitive situation that I am in. I have been seeing the situation as something much larger than it really is, and have let overwhelm me over time. I’ll admit that I’m horrible at doing that.

I have felt the need to make it clear to others where I stand this whole time, but now isn’t the time for that- Now is the time to stop doubting, stop fearing, stop worrying- And finally do something about this attitude that is causing me more harm than good. It is time to heal myself.